Procrastination: The Secret To What Causes Us To Put Things Off
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
Have you ever tried to push yourself into action, sometimes beating yourself up and putting yourself down in the process?
👉 Can you recall a time when you stood at the fridge, desperately trying to resist that forbidden temptation, only to give in while silently promising yourself you’ll start eating better tomorrow?
👉 Have you ever put off setting a boundary or speaking up, convincing yourself that you’ll handle it the next time it happens, only to find yourself in the same situation again?
👉 Do you hit the snooze button in the morning and promise yourself you’ll work out later in the day only to find that later never comes?
👉 Or do you completely neglect your own well-being and self care because there’s just too much to do, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted?
👉 Maybe you’ve said, “I just can’t. And it’s really not that important anyway.”
Do you feel held back in your life by procrastination?
As if you’re paralyzed by overwhelm and stressed out from putting things off?
Do you wonder how everyone else can get things done … but not you?
You may think procrastination is simply avoiding things we don’t like. Why do today what can be done tomorrow type of thing, right? But it can also involve delaying things we actually enjoy, such as planning a vacation, starting a new hobby, or for me… jumping on my new rebounder trampoline.
The truth is procrastination is so much deeper than simply putting things off.
Here’s a secret about me: I’ve struggled with procrastination for most of my life.
In thinking and prepping to write this blog over the last few weeks, it’s like procrastination has been my shadow… like this cloud or anchor that’s holding me back.
It’s definitely giving me fresh, first-hand perspective of procrastination at work in my every day life.
Why am I telling you this? Because this is a space of trust. Coaching requires honesty and vulnerability — and that includes being honest about my own journey!
Here are 3 things I want you to know if you procrastinate:
1 — Procrastination does not mean that you’re lazy or that you lack priorities.
I’ve been told both: that my procrastination indicates I’m lazy and that I lack priorities. Hearing that led me to try everything I could to fix it: download apps, write out my tasks, get a calendar, start prioritizing my day by writing out everything in the calendar and then picking what comes first. It helped temporarily, but it was only temporary because…
2 — Procrastination is not from a lack of priorities, it’s a habit.
It’s deep in your unconscious. It’s like when you get into your car, you automatically put on your seatbelt. You don’t even think about it. Procrastination is the same way. It’s automatic… it just happens.
And then when it does happen - when we recognize we’re procrastinating - we start to beat ourselves up because we’re not getting done the things we want to get done. That beating ourselves up just furthers solidifies that groove that’s in our subconscious, and it becomes a repetitive cycle: the process of beating myself up because I procrastinate which just makes me procrastinate more.
3 — Procrastination is based on a belief we have about ourselves.
Procrastination isn’t just a habit of external action — it’s a habit of thought. When we think a thought long enough, it becomes a belief that we have about ourselves and it becomes part of our identity. We become a barrier to ourselves by thinking things like:
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m not worthy of doing this”
“What are they going to think of me?”
“What if I screw it up?”
I’ve been saying to myself: “I’m procrastinating. I’m a procrastinator” and that just reinforces that belief I have about myself… my identity. And my subconscious doesn’t know the difference whether this belief is really true or not. And so my subconscious says, “Ooooh, she believes she’s a procrastinator. Let’s go with that. Let’s keep that because that’s important to her.”
What can we do about our habit of procrastination?
Keep in mind that you’re not going to make a big shift overnight. You’re not going to be a procrastinator one day and not the next. We can’t make this big of a shift overnight.
We can’t belittle or berate ourselves into not procrastinating because trying to fix procrastination is like, as my friend says, rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. We’re not addressing the source.
Remember: procrastination isn’t the problem; it’s a symptom.
It’s like taking aspirin for a headache. This does not address the problem at its root. Yes, the headache will probably go away, but what’s causing the headache? Are you dehydrated? Are you not getting enough sleep? Are you stressed? Is something happening in your world that’s creating this symptom… the headache? Procrastination is the same - it’s only a symptom.
It’s fueled by the feelings and emotions we want to avoid.
These feelings and emotions can be individual, but as a general rule as humans, we have this core fear of not being good enough. That leads to the fear of rejection — the root of procrastination for most everyone. Ultimately, if you pull the string, that’s what’s at the end of the string… the fear of not being liked, of being rejected, of being abandoned. That’s where - and it sounds really deep and harsh for a behavior that so many people have - but when we look at most behaviors that don’t serve us, the reason we keep doing them is because of that.
So we do the sabotaging behavior to avoid that feeling. And we think we’re avoiding that feeling, that emotion, but what happens is that it becomes this cycle. And because we avoid doing whatever it is we really want to do - like eat healthier for example - it just further accentuates that feeling of not being good enough. We tell ourselves: “See, I did it again!”
Ultimately, procrastination is born from our human fear of not being good enough (perfectionism) leading to the fear of rejection or abandonment.
As humans, we don’t want to be wrong and that can lead to us prioritizing a façade instead of our own health and growth. We measure ourselves by the standards of others and try to hide away our mess … and it starts to pile up after time.
This can be very self defeating and actually traumatizing to not live life according to your own parameters. Breaking this habit requires healing, self trust, and learning new ways to interact with others.
The bottom line of what’s causing you to procrastinate isn’t to avoid a task. It’s to avoid a feeling, a belief that you have about yourself.
Remember, if you put things off:
⭑ #1 You're not lazy
⭑ #2 It’s not a lack of priorities
⭑ #3 It’s a habit based on a belief. It’s become part of your identity… and the beautiful thing is, THAT can be changed to be whatever YOU want it to be.
“When your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pursuing behavior change. You are simply acting like the type of person you already believe yourself to be.”
Our beliefs drive our behaviors.
They are the foundation of our story and a result of our experiences. As such, they can be difficult to change … especially without insight and support.
If you’re not getting what you want in your life, let’s have a chat to see how I can help you.
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