3 Shocking Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Fail
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
Every year on New Year’s Eve, millions of people decide they are going to change for the better … and it lasts a couple of weeks.
We dream of letting go of all the crap from our past to make the life we’ve always dreamed of. A healthier, happier life where we feel empowered and at peace.
Yet statistics show that a mere 8% of us actually DO take the world by storm. If you’re in the 92% who have lofty goals on January 1 and then are beating yourself up by January 31, here are 3 reasons you may not know about how your brain works against you and your lofty goals.
Reason #1: You’ve tried before
When you try something new and then stop doing it because it becomes difficult, inconvenient, or your self doubt takes over, you’re training your brain that you don’t stick with things. When you repeat this start/stop behavior over time, your brain remembers that and then makes it more difficult to stick with new projects, hobbies, etc the next time… and this includes resolutions.
You’ve trained your brain to think that stopping is acceptable, and moreso, that stopping is what you do… who you are. You’ve actually created a habit of not completing things and that habit is now programmed in your subconscious. This habit results in loss of self confidence, and it becomes a vicious cycle that gets more and more frustrating each time you attempt to start something new.
“Every action you take is a vote for the person you want to become.”
Reason #2: You’re 99% invested in making your desired change
Dang, 99% is pretty close to perfect, right? Wrong! 99% is still 1% not committed, and that 1% will get you every time!
That 1% is your “out.” It’s your “I’ll just have one glass” or “I’ll only press snooze once.” That 1% allows your ego - the con-woman in your head - to tell you that it’s okay to slack this one time, that you’ll start tomorrow, or you’re just not quite ready yet.
99% says you’re interested, not committed.
This is also the danger of making change alone. Accountability is important so that you have someone else helping you stay on course. If you’re doing all the work alone, you’re going to be constantly fighting yourself instead of growing. Eventually, you’re going to lose to your “habit brain.” This part of your brain “tricks” you into making that exception again and again… until you are back at square one.
Reason #3: You focused on changing your behavior
Wait… aren’t resolutions all about changing behavior? That’s what I always thought. You can buy new workout clothes, join a gym, and start working out regularly, but you will eventually slide back to your old behaviors of hitting the snooze, skipping workouts to hang out with friends, and saying “screw it” to healthy eating if you only focus on your behavior.
I have first-hand experience of this. When I was in my 20’s, I joined Weight Watchers and lost a lot of weight, getting down to my goal. I was 100% committed to this change. However, I didn’t know the power of my stories and beliefs, and it wasn’t long until I had gained it all back plus a lot more. I changed my behaviors, but I didn’t change my belief about myself around my weight and health.
My belief was that I could never look like “that”... that it wasn’t possible for someone with “my body type.” I identified as someone who was overweight. I developed that belief when I was very young through watching my mom try to lose weight and hearing her talk about her “double stomachs.” I had body image issues and was self conscious about how I looked.
Your identity comes from the stories you tell yourself and your stories reinforce your beliefs. And, in the end, the things you want to change about yourself - the behaviors that aren’t serving you - will stay the same if your beliefs stay the same. It doesn’t matter what you want if your subconscious is not in alignment with what you desire!
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