Expectations and Resentments and Stress, Oh My!
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
So much of our stress comes from expecting things or people to be different.
And then when they’re not different, we build resentment. Expectations and resentments cause sooooo much stress in our lives.
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.”
Expectations are the beliefs we have about how things or people “should” be and resentments are the emotions we experience when those expectations aren’t met.
They cause us to think things or people should be different… that they should be doing it the way WE think they should do it. And when people don’t do it our way or things don’t go our way, then we get resentful, disappointed, or angry.
We put expectations on people when they do something that we don’t think they should’ve done, and we say to ourselves, “They should know better.” But the word “should” holds judgment.
So when you “should” on someone else - they should’ve known better, they should do better -you’re judging the actions of that person as “not good enough.”
Expectations of another person to be a certain way communicates that if they’re not that way or don’t do things the way you think they should, they are then not accepted by you because they don’t live up to your expectations.
Is this how you want your partner or your friends or your kids to feel?
Be aware of the expectations you have of other people or situations that they should be a certain way. And this includes yourself!
Accept people where they are. Look at people as if they are wounded children in adult bodies. We all are that. And stop should-ing on yourself and others.
Remember, any expectations you have of other people or situations… or YOURSELF… being different is only adding to your stress. Learning to accept things and people right where they are rather than where they should be is so powerful!
The resentments that inevitably come from our expectations create stress that is always bubbling below the surface … until you learn a better way forward or heal the source of the expectation.
What grudges or resentments are you holding onto?
Think of something that you’re holding onto that you haven’t been willing to let go of, for whatever reason. And when you think of that thing, think of what kind of energy that is that you’re putting out into the world. Is it positive or is it negative?
One thing to keep in mind is what we put out into the world is what we get back. Our thoughts have super powers!
Our thoughts are what create our reality ultimately.
Our thoughts create our feelings.
It’s not the other way around! We don’t have a feeling and have a thought that follows. We actually have a thought about something and that creates the feeling.
If you’re having a resentful thought, that creates the feeling of stress or anxiety or whatever negative feeling it creates… and then that’s what you put out into the world. And what you put out is what comes back.
Gratitude is an antidote for resentment. It’s the opposite end of the spectrum. When you think of something you’re grateful for (maybe even something in the person that you’re resenting), what does that energy feel like? More positive, higher-vibing energy, right?
Maybe you’re thinking, “But I’m so mad at that person. How do I feel something grateful about them?”
The thing is: We get to choose how we feel. You get to choose whether to hold onto resentment and the stress that comes with that, or let it go and feel grateful.
Whatever you place your attention on, that will grow.
So if you’re placing your attention on what didn’t work or what isn’t working, what THEY did, the lack of something in your life, then that’s what you’re inviting more of back into your life. Instead, if you focus on what IS working, what’s good, what’s calm and peaceful, then THAT will grow in your life.
The universe always sends you your vibrational match.
Managing your expectations can help you avoid the negative cycle of resentment and stress — whether that’s with relationships, yourself, or at work.
By letting go of expectations and accepting things and people as they are, your mental and physical well-being will improve, your relationships will be deeper, and your happiness richer.
If you are struggling with the negative effects of expectations, resentments, and the resulting stress, reach out to me.
Together, we can work to identify the blocks that are keeping you stuck in this pattern. I have tools and techniques to help you deal with these and reduce the stress in your life.
Take the first step toward a happier, healthier you!
Do you feel the weight of expectations and resentments?
Say goodbye to your old life and claim your FREE call to determine if coaching and/or hypnosis feels right for you.