Self Worth, Boundaries, and Showing Up for Ourselves
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
After 15 years of practicing hot yoga, I’ve picked up more than just a good stretch — I’ve learned some deep life lessons, too.
In a recent class, it felt like the universe was determined to teach me everything in one sweaty, steamy session. I guess that’s what 105 degrees and 60% humidity will do for ya! These reflections hit me hard, and I realized how much it all applied to life.
If you’ve been living for everyone else and leaving yourself last, this is for you.
We’re going to dig into lessons that can help you stop over-giving, quit comparing yourself to others, and start protecting your peace without feeling like you need to twist yourself into knots (figuratively or literally).
It’s time to “stay on your mat” — aka focus on on your own stuff and let go of everything you can’t control. You’ll be amazed at what transformations can happen when you divert some of that energy to showing up for yourself.
Before we dive in, remember:
Think about it—without believing in your own value, it’s hard to set boundaries that stick, right? And without solid boundaries, it’s almost impossible to truly value yourself, making it kind of a chicken and egg scenario.
It’s easy to feel defeated, thinking you need to figure it all out at once. Just like when you first step into a hot yoga class, you might not get through every pose. Expecting perfection can be self-defeating.
Building boundaries and self-worth works the same way: take small steps. Here’s 10 to start with!
1 — The hardest part is getting your ass in the room and on your mat. Just start; take that 1st step.
The hardest part of any change is starting. But once you take that first step—whether it’s saying no, asking for help, or simply being kinder to yourself—momentum takes over. That first action is a declaration of your worth. It’s saying, “I matter enough to start.” From there, each step gets a little easier, and with every step, your confidence and self-respect grow.
Courage before confidence.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for support. I didn’t go to my first yoga class alone. I went with a friend who had done lots of these classes already and could show me the ropes. I didn’t even know what to wear or that you take your shoes off before you enter the hot room.
Psst … You don’t have to start doing anything alone either.
2 — Nobody can do it for you.
Sometimes we live our lives waiting for someone else to decide for us. We might hesitate to speak up or take action, thinking someone will swoop in and solve our problems. The truth is, we’re the ones who need to step up, make choices, and take ownership of our journey. Nobody can do it for you. No one can set the boundaries that are best for YOU. You have to take responsibility for your own needs, desires, and emotional well-being. This means recognizing that your boundaries are yours to create and uphold, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable.
3 — Stay on your mat. That’s all you can control.
One of the most empowering lessons I’ve learned is to ‘stay on my mat’—meaning, I can only control my own actions, emotions, and reactions, and that’s the only area to focus my boundaries. In class that day, I caught my thoughts wandering off onto other people’s mats.
When we stay on our own mat and focus on ourselves ONLY… instead of trying to manage or fix others, we reinforce our boundaries. This focus helps protect our own energy and reminds us that we’re not responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
Staying focused on your own path is an act of self respect.
It shows that you value your journey and trust yourself enough to resist being pulled off your mat through people pleasing or codependency.
4 — Stop comparing yourself.
Comparison is a sneaky sneaky boundary violator. One of the most freeing things I’ve learned is to stop comparing my path to anyone else’s. When I constantly measure myself against others, I’m actually crossing an internal boundary and it takes the focus off what matters—being my own personal best.
Instead of comparing yourself, honor the boundary between your life and someone else’s. Your path is unique to you, and your worth isn’t diminished just because someone is farther along in theirs. Shifting your attention inward allows you to recognize that your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s achievements or failures.
5 — Expectations = disappointment.
This message came to me during class because I’ve lost a lot of flexibility in certain poses… because I haven’t been going to class regularly in the last few years. I found myself thinking about how I used to be able to go deeper, and how frustrating it is to no longer have that ability.
But holding onto expectations like this—expecting to get into a pose like I once did, wanting something to be different than it is—only leads to disappointment.
When we stop measuring ourselves against old versions of who we once were, we free ourselves from the pressure of trying to live up to outdated goals. Constantly chasing what you should be able to do based on the “past you” drains your energy and distracts you from what matters now.
Letting go of the yardstick you’re measuring yourself by - and actually using as a weapon against yourself - letting go of that creates space to set boundaries that protect your CURRENT needs and self-worth, allowing you to honor who you are TODAY—and stops you “should-ing” on yourself, telling yourself who you think you should be.
6 — Awareness and confidence build when you push yourself, stay silent, and go within.
One of the most powerful shifts for me in the last 7 years has been learning to tune out the noise around me and listen to my own inner voice.
Not the ego. Not the thoughts that come from the brain.
Listen to the voice that comes from the heart.
When I stop reacting to everything outside of me and even my own frantic thoughts, I begin to figure out what I truly need.
How do you know the difference? The ego shouts… the heart whispers.
You’ll know it’s the heart too if it feels made up. You may even think what you’re hearing sounds silly or weird. But the real confidence comes from the heart, not the logical brain. The more you listen to yourself, the clearer your boundaries become.
Are you ready to find your inner peace? Listen to this episode!
7 — It might be damn uncomfortable, but do it anyway. You’ll grow, guaranteed.
Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. Spending 60-90 minutes in a room that’s 105 degrees with high humidity is SUPER uncomfortable. Your brain says, “Get me the hell out of here. Go out to the air conditioned hallway right now!” Setting boundaries can feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable because it challenges old patterns of people-pleasing or self-neglect.
But the brain wants to keep us safe, it encourages us to stay in our comfort zone. When you push through the hard stuff, you’re affirming that you’re worth the effort it takes to evolve. The discomfort becomes a sign of the expanding belief in yourself.
8 — It’s a life-long practice…. All of it.
One of the hardest truths to accept is that boundaries aren’t a one-time fix—they’re an ongoing, lifelong practice. Just like going to yoga or to the gym, you have to keep going to build your muscles and flexibility.
Just when you think you’ve got them nailed, new challenges come up—different relationships, new pressures, or personal growth—and suddenly you realize you need to fine-tune them again. It’s a process that evolves with you, and that’s why consistency is key.
Recognizing that both boundaries and self-worth are lifelong journeys takes the pressure off of needing to get it “right” all the time.
The more you practice, the more natural both will become.
9 — Stop wishing things were different. It will be over soon enough.
Wishing things were different doesn’t speed anything up. It just keeps you stuck in the discomfort, whether it’s in a yoga class or in life.
Setting boundaries has helped me shift from wishing things would change to accepting what is—by focusing on what I CAN control and letting go of the rest. Boundaries remind me that I don’t need to fix or change everything around me to feel at peace… I just need to focus on ME.
When you stop wishing things were different - that someone would turn off the heat or release you from the pose - you’re honoring where you are and that’s the real power.
10 — Everyone has to start at the beginning. It doesn’t matter that other people have been doing it longer or are better at it than you.
One of the most humbling lessons is accepting that everyone starts somewhere… and everything new we experience must be started at the beginning. It’s easy to feel discouraged when I look at others who seem further along — they’re deeper in a pose, they can touch their toes without bending their knees, or they speak their mind calmly and confidently.
When we remember that our journey is our own and we ALL are new at whatever situation we’re in at some point, we can honor where we are right now and build from there.
Your self-worth isn’t tied to someone else’s progress—it’s rooted in the fact that you’re showing up for YOU, whether it’s your 1st time or your 50th time.
“Your worth isn’t something you’ll find in others or the outside world—it’s been within you all along. The moment you recognize that, life becomes limitless. There’s nothing you can’t do or become, because true strength comes from within.”
— Coach Heidi
Now that you understand the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone, maintaining boundaries as a lifelong practice, and accepting where you are on your journey, think about how you can start applying this today.
What’s one boundary you’ve been avoiding? What if you challenged yourself to push through that discomfort and trust in yourself?
Remember:
Self-worth grows through action, not just belief. It’s cultivated by prioritizing your needs and values.
When you show up for yourself, you’re sending a message that you deserve it.
The more you practice, the stronger both your boundaries and self-respect become.
Discomfort is a natural part of this process. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it’s actually a sign that you’re growing.
Each time you honor a boundary, you tell yourself, “I matter.”
Our boundaries and self-worth are interconnected. Small steps in either area create a ripple effect, positively impacting both.
So, what will you do this week to take that next step toward a stronger, more empowered you?
Feeling overwhelmed?
Let’s work on this together!
Progress is always easier when you have someone to guide you.
