Are You a Holiday Season Peacekeeper or People Pleaser?
There are 2 common ways I see my clients handling the holidays: by being peacekeepers or people pleasers. For some, this is a year-long system they have set up for protection. For others, the added stress of the holidays brings out their shields. Do any of these sound like you?
Lies People Pleasers Tell Themselves (& How They Keep Us Stuck)
For the last 6 years, I’ve studied the beliefs that drove my people-pleasing behaviors and I realized they were ALL lies. They were stories I’d started telling myself about how I had to be a certain way, say the right things, put others first, make sure I never hurt anyone’s feelings, get along, stay quiet, do what I was told, fit in. All of these stories I learned as a young girl. And these stories followed me everywhere… ‘cause ya know - wherever you go, there you are. To college, on dates, in interviews, at jobs, with my friends and partners. Everywhere!
The Hidden Price of Being Nice
Being nice and being kind are NOT the same thing! Being ‘nice’ is a learned behavior that started developing in us before the age of 8. We were taught to be good and not be any trouble. Don’t talk back, listen to your teachers, do what you’re told. We’re taught that it’s wrong to speak up, it’s bad to say no, and it’s conceited to think of yourself. This leads to people pleasing in midlife.
How Expectations Are Destroying Your Happiness
When we get to midlife, we can have some pretty hefty expectations of what life is supposed to look like. Happy marriage, fulfilling career, looking forward to retirement, stable health, money in the bank, kids off creating their own life, grandkids on the way.
And when different things happen - divorce, no kids or kids not following the path we wanted, no grandkids, job loss, partner unfaithful, etc - it can feel devastating because “life isn’t going as I expected.”
5 Midlife Fears That Steal Your Inner Peace
What is inner peace anyway? Inner peace is a deliberate state of calm despite potential stresses in your life. It doesn’t happen randomly, and with all the things going on in the world around us on a daily basis, peace can seem fleeting or even non-existent.
It’s like having a room in your house unorganized and filled with clutter when you walk in the room.
How to Let Go of Control to Find Your Happiness
We think holding on is how we control a situation. And if we’re in control, that means we’re safe… we feel secure in the control. And the feeling of safety comes from things staying the same. Yet even in midlife, we are capable of making changes to our lives and it all starts with learning how to let go and release our need for control. If you don’t let go, you can’t make room for something better!