The Secrets to Making Radical New Year’s Resolutions That Work!
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
Ever found yourself in the cycle of New Year's resolutions, going all gung-ho on changing something in your life, but ending up in déjà vu and disappointment?
Well, here's a reality check: It takes a lot more than a resolution to change.
In this blog, I’m giving you three science-based reasons why it’s almost impossible to get change through resolutions and why 92% of resolutions fail.
Stop playing the “waiting game” —
There is no special time to start creating change. Stop waiting until you’re ready… or worse yet, for something to force you to make a change. If you are not getting what you want in life - health, happiness, wealth, relationships - then start right now! Draw a line in the sand with yourself and begin immediately on making this change!
Putting off making a small change today is not ultimately the behavior that hurts you. It’s the repetition of putting it off until tomorrow and then the next day… and the day after that. Waiting until next Monday or next month. That’s what hurts you - the habit of not starting at all and waiting for the ‘right’ time.
"Some people spend their entire lives waiting for the time to be right to make an improvement."
— James Clear
Stop asking “why” —
Tony Robbins said the quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask. But typically the questions we ask ourselves start with ‘why’ and stem from frustration or disappointment.
"Why do I always procrastinate?"
"Why can’t I get control of my money?"
"Why am I so messy?"
"Why did I eat all that crap last night?"
"Why do they keep treating me like that?"
‘Why’ questions actually create defensiveness, in ourselves and in others.
Think about it. If you ask your kid or partner, “Why did you do that?,” you probably notice them starting to come up with reasons and excuses. If you ask yourself the same question, your subconscious is going to give you a justification. You’re going to hear yourself rationalizing why you do it. But that does NOTHING to make anything different. The bottom line is: it doesn’t matter WHY we do something. Knowing why is not going to make something different. It will not create anything in us to want to change.
In fact, ‘why’ reinforces negative aspects and we end up beating ourselves up for why we’re doing something. I recently had a session with one of my coaches (yes, coaches also hire mentors) and I was telling her my frustration with clutter.
Confession time: I struggle with keeping paperwork and “stuff” organized. It can tend to end up on the kitchen counter, on my office floor, and in piles here and there. Random thoughts come to me throughout the day and many times, I’ll write them on sticky notes or a piece of scratch paper to capture them. It will lead me to pull out a book to dive deeper into my new thought… and then sticky notes, random pieces of paper, and books end up strewn about.
So I was telling my coach about this and then said, “Why do I do this?” hoping for insight from her. I got her wisdom, just not in the way I was expecting. Her response was that it doesn’t matter WHY I do it. Asking myself why was creating this negative story about it in my head because my mind was coming up with all sorts of excuses.
This story I was telling myself was making the problem so much bigger than it actually is, AND it was causing me to not take ANY action because the STORY of it became too overwhelming in my mind.
Asking “what” or “how” questions encourages us to look at things more constructively and actually can provide solutions.
These questions with others can often lead to more open conversations because the other person doesn’t feel the need to defend themselves.
Stop assuming that what you think is the problem is the actual problem —
What you THINK is your problem is not REALLY the problem - You think it’s the clutter or the comfort eating or that extra glass of wine. Those things are NOT the problem. Those are merely habits. You don’t clean up your mess because it’s a habit to not clean up. You go to the refrigerator and graze because it’s a habit. You drink the rest of the bottle of wine because ‘why leave that little bit left?’ It’s a habit.
Our life is run by our habits.
I was focusing on the clutter as the problem, but not putting things away is NOT the problem. That is merely a habit.
The REAL problem is the thoughts and stories I was telling myself. You tell yourself stories about your perceived issue, and then when you repeat the thoughts and stories over and over to yourself, they become the beliefs you have about who you are.
Your beliefs are what are driving your behaviors, but what you see is the resulting problem that you think is created by your behavior. You can try and change your behaviors all day long - believe me, I’ve tried - and you’ll bounce back to the way you currently are… to the behavior you currently have.
Here’s the ultimate secret to stopping a behavior and keeping the resolutions you make - CHANGE the BELIEFS you have about yourself!
If you want something to change in your life, your beliefs about who you think you are MUST change. It’s a scientific fact that you will act according to your beliefs.
The fastest, most effective, and longest lasting way to change the stories you tell yourself is through hypnosis. I have seen dramatic changes with my clients in just five 90-minute sessions!
Hypnosis is like rocket fuel for transformation!
That means in 10 weeks, you’ll have created a new neural pathway in your brain that is starting to recognize the new identity you want to embody.
You’ll have new thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors in the area that you maybe have been trying to change for years.
Stop waiting until you’re ready or the stars align just right to make a change. Changes are made in baby steps. You can make them by shifting yourself in a different direction 1% every day. I’m here to guide you.
“A couple of weeks ago I was just driving to work and I was happy just listening to music and this overwhelming sense of love and joy washed over my body while I was driving it was without words profound and told me that in that moment I finally loved ME!! ❤️ ❤️
Thank you so much I've never felt anything like this is my life and it's absolutely amazing. I will continue to work and am listening so intently right now to my intuition and it hasn't let me down.
I've even started to lose weight which you said would happen when I was able to release all of that. It's crazy. It took me 46 years to feel this feeling and you helped me get there in the small amount of time that we worked together.”
— Gina R. | Recent 1:1 Coaching Client