Are You a Holiday Season Peacekeeper or People Pleaser?
There are 2 common ways I see my clients handling the holidays: by being peacekeepers or people pleasers. For some, this is a year-long system they have set up for protection. For others, the added stress of the holidays brings out their shields. Do any of these sound like you?
Lies People Pleasers Tell Themselves (& How They Keep Us Stuck)
For the last 6 years, I’ve studied the beliefs that drove my people-pleasing behaviors and I realized they were ALL lies. They were stories I’d started telling myself about how I had to be a certain way, say the right things, put others first, make sure I never hurt anyone’s feelings, get along, stay quiet, do what I was told, fit in. All of these stories I learned as a young girl. And these stories followed me everywhere… ‘cause ya know - wherever you go, there you are. To college, on dates, in interviews, at jobs, with my friends and partners. Everywhere!
The Hidden Price of Being Nice
Being nice and being kind are NOT the same thing! Being ‘nice’ is a learned behavior that started developing in us before the age of 8. We were taught to be good and not be any trouble. Don’t talk back, listen to your teachers, do what you’re told. We’re taught that it’s wrong to speak up, it’s bad to say no, and it’s conceited to think of yourself. This leads to people pleasing in midlife.
Break Free from People Pleasing Through the Power of Community
You’ve spent so much time doing everything for everyone to keep them happy and continually put yourself on the back burner, telling yourself you’ll take care of yourself later. Now you you feel guilty for spending it on yourself. What would it be like to be in a place where it was safe to share how you are feeling and not fear being judged? This is the beauty of community.
How to Stop Living in a Midlife FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt)
Dear Midlife Woman who has always prioritized others over yourself, this is for you. If you struggle with disappointment and resentment, feeling selfish for doing something just for you, saying no, and feeling like you’ve got nothing left to give, you’re most likely living in a FOG that has been clouding your life. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, and as people pleasers, we know all three very well. Learn how to control FOG and start living a life for you.
How Expectations Are Destroying Your Happiness
When we get to midlife, we can have some pretty hefty expectations of what life is supposed to look like. Happy marriage, fulfilling career, looking forward to retirement, stable health, money in the bank, kids off creating their own life, grandkids on the way.
And when different things happen - divorce, no kids or kids not following the path we wanted, no grandkids, job loss, partner unfaithful, etc - it can feel devastating because “life isn’t going as I expected.”
7 Signs You’re Being A People Pleaser (And What To Do About It)
When we’re young, we’re taught how important it is to be nice but trouble starts when we do nice things for reasons outside of simple acts of kindness.